Play of the Day

Russia’s New Dolphin Army

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Juliana Gruenwald
March 28, 2014, 5:13 a.m.

Rus­sia now has con­trol over an ar­sen­al of deadly weapons. De­fense dol­phins, which were sup­posed to pro­tect Ukraine’s bor­der, may pose a threat to the U.S. — if they can fig­ure out how to shoot those pis­tols at­tached to their heads. At least the U.N. is do­ing all it can to con­demn Rus­sia’s takeover of Crimea: It passed a res­ol­u­tion. Or, as Seth Mey­ers puts it, the equi­val­ent of a neg­at­ive Yelp re­view.

Plus: Ted Cruz tries an im­per­son­a­tion of Win­ston Churchill, The At­lantic re­ports on hi­bern­at­ing squir­rels, and Fox News un­veils its anti-Obama ver­sion of March Mad­ness.

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