What Not to Look Forward to in 2013

As far as years go, 2012 wasn't too swell. We had superstorms, mass-killings, rampant unemployment, turmoil in the Middle East, and a presidential campaign. But, hey, at least the Mayans got the whole apocalypse thing wrong (so far)!

So barring some kind of global reckoning, it looks like most of us are going to make it to 2013. Congratulations! Unfortunately, it doesn't look like it'll be all rainbows, K-Pop, and Panda Cams on the other side. Here's what you need to brace yourself for in the new year.

• Hillary Rodham Clinton the Inevitable: Take 2.
• CNN goofing at least one of the same-sex marriage Supreme Court decisions. Followed by months of incessant mocking of CNN.

• Cory Booker running for New Jersey governor? U.S. Senate? Interstellar Magnate of Earth?
• Benghazi-Gate-Gate-Gate.
• The ever-elongating Fiscal Cliff/Canyon/Slope/Dune.
• Terry McAullife is running for governor of Virginia, again.
• Newt Gingrich, Sunday Show Mantelpiece.
• The seemingly unending cycle of terribleness that is Bashar al-Assad's Syria.
• Mitt Romney's post-2012 book: How I Learned to Stop Campaigning and Become an Internet Meme.
• Joe Biden launching his 2016 campaign for the presidency at a diner or a Costco. Actually, this might not be so bad.
• Mohamed Morsi's presidency in Egypt, lookin' unstable.

• Al-Qaida in the Arabian Peninsula's continued presence in Yemen, lookin' scary.
• Whatever happens to the poor person who takes on the top job at the Commerce Department.
• Debt-Ceiling! Government shutdown countdown clocks!
• The immediate confusion of a possible post-Hugo Chavez Venezuela.
• The Great Twitter/Gmail/RIM Blackout of 2013.
• Just kidding. 2013 doesn't need to know about RIM.
• Jockeying between Republican governors and the White House over the implementation of the Affordable Care Act.
• Kate Middleton Baby Countdown -- will she live-stream????
• A Superduperstorm, more unseasonable weather, and unstoppable climate change.

• Ambassador Anna Wintour.
• The still-bleak economic outlook for middle-class Americans. 
• North Korea and its new president, Kim Jong-Un, the Onion's Sexiest Man of the Year, can launch missiles now.
• A gaping Rage Vacuum where Newsweek's weekly print covers used to be.
• Paul Ryan, Marco Rubio, Chris Christie, and Bobby Jindal just happening to fall in love with the folks of Iowa all at the same time.

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